WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE: Vegan cheese.

FIRST BITE THOUGHTS: This isn't bad.

SECOND BITE SMACKDOWN: This is the worst thing I've ever eaten in my life. What does drywall taste like? In my head, it tastes exactly like this.

NUTRITIONALLY SPEAKING: A 1" cube is 90 calories with 20% of your Vitamin B12 and calcium needs, no sugar, and 1g protein. Not bad, not exactly a health food--kind of like eating apples and marshmallow fluff.

SERVE IT WITH: Enough Shiraz to where anything would taste good.

FINAL THOUGHTS: All of the self-congratulatory descriptions on the label should've given it away--it's not just dairy-free, it's "deliciously" dairy-free; it's not just crafted, it's "artfully" crafted; and it's not just a block--it's a "farmhouse" block. Apparently, for those who want to sample drywall sludge, this cheese features creepy meltable properties as well.