WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE: Vegan veal. No, come on, it says it right there. It's split pea soup, y'all.

FIRST BITE THOUGHTS: This is really thick--in a gloppy, Renaissance way.

SECOND BITE SMACKDOWN: I'm eating warm, pea-flavored chip dip of the highest caliber.

NUTRITIONALLY SPEAKING: 16g of protein!

SERVE IT WITH: Bread. All of the bread.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I didn't read the package directions and instead relied on my Ramen Intuition (a gift from the days of yore in which I wasn't vegan and somehow even more impoverished) to guide my water-to-dry-ingredient ratio. I blame myself for the split pea salsa fiasco.